About Me

My photo
I am a married woman with children out of the home now developing my own interests, hobbies making my way through the heat of the experiences and days of my life. (Click on pictures to enlarge.)


Saturday, March 27, 2010

Our Hidden Selves

I've been thinking this week on what makes up the people we have become. Pretty deep subject I know, but I have been pretty sick with a nasty infection and an accompanying dose of Vertigo. My world has literally been spinning. I am usually a very healthy person and this infection had me down within a day, it hit so hard. What else hit hard is how I possibly got this infection. And that is what leads me to wonder how we become the people we become.
I am one that sees the good. I understand we all have a bit of bad in us, we have to I think to be able then to know the good. Its a balance.

The blooms of the tree are still beautiful even with the browns of beginning decay showing.

My illness started right after we had to tell the teenager we had allowed to live in our home that he had to leave. The conditions of his being allowed to stay here had all been broken, and the aggression he had became more pronounced as the day got closer to us having to send him out. On his last day, as he was removing his stuff from the room we let him use, I believe his parting act was on my toothbrush. I don't know where he went with it, but when I used it the illness came on.
We tryed to help him, giving him a place to live, and even despite all he was doing or not doing I still tryed to see that good he could of had. I didn't see the brown decay.

I think we are all hard wired to become the people we become at an early age. It can become the wings we fly with, or the chains that bind us. I don't believe we can not change, just that maybe we don't want to even when its apparent that its not working for us anymore. Change can be hard, scary to go through, and if even one thing of our current situation is working for us, then the change is not happening. It's our pay value for our behaviours.
So I will still try and see the good in people, but I am also going to try and become aware as well of the brown edges. My brown edges, because really, I am the only person I can change.

1 comment:

Dar said...

You're right, very deep. But wonderfully spoken. Your last statement about being able to only change yourself, is so true. We can guide til we are blue in the face, but the change has got to come from within the one Wanting Change. Supreme entry...hope you are feeling better....stay clear of the brown edges.